Daniel Tosh & The Rape Joke That Wasn’t

Daniel Tosh is a stand-up comedian who hosts Tosh 0 on Comedy Central. Recently, he was embroiled in controversy regarding a woman who went to one of his shows, was exposed to a number of rape jokes, didn’t find them funny, called him out on them, was labelled a heckler by Tosh, who proceeded to ask the audience “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her…” and resulted in her and her friend leaving the room.

Do read this post by the woman in question for a first-hand narrative: http://breakfastcookie.tumblr.com/post/26879625651/so-a-girl-walks-into-a-comedy-club

And now I shall be adding my angry 2 cents.              

To those justifying Tosh’s behaviour saying “that’s just what he does” – well, murdering people is just what a psychopath does. Normalizing it doesn’t make it right.

To those justifying him saying that he used his freedom of speech – well, I’m using my freedom of speech to denounce his disgusting act.

And to those justifying him saying that she should have looked him & his humour up before going to one of his shows – was she also supposed to have known that she would be used as bait to instigate a gang-rape? Oh waiiit. It was supposed to be funny! Oh right… a person being intentionally and vehemently sexually, psychologically, emotionally, physically, and often socially demolished… Of course that’s funny! The crude factor attributes to its hilarity! I must be a complete moronic spoil-sport if I don’t find that funny! OF COURSE she should have known!

This was Tosh’s formal ‘apology’ to the ensuing uproar:

“The point i was making before i was heckled is there are awful things in the world but you can still make jokes about them. #deadbabies

Firstly, she did not ‘heckle’ you. She called you out on a joke that she thought wasn’t funny, and of all the ways you could’ve chosen to handle it, you chose to disrespect, humiliate and victimize her. That too, by asserting your (arguably) chauvinist power over her. And yes, although rape victims aren’t exclusively female, females are the large majority of victims, and rape is a crime of power.

Secondly, calling her a heckler is kinda sorta washing any remorse or irresponsibility off your own hands; so if that statement was meant to be any kind of apology, it didn’t leave a mark.

Thirdly, yes there are awful things in the world, and they can be funny, yes including rape, and I don’t mind Tosh or any comedian using black comedy in the least bit. It’s fine if a comedian jokes about something serious to make light of the situation for humour, but to blatantly tell someone it would be funny if they got raped is disgusting. Additionally, using rape as a shock tactic to garner laughs is just abysmal. He wasn’t ‘joking’, he was using humour to diminish her voice, to remind her of his power over her and to shut her up using her vulnerability as a cheap tool.

Finally, & funnily, I don’t actually see the word ‘sorry’ or ‘apologise’ once in this heartfelt apology. I guess I must be too old fashioned and out of the loop.

I’m all for making light of serious situations. When life and circumstances leave you stuck in a pit, sometimes all you can do is laugh at it, at yourself, at others. But sometimes, it isn’t external circumstances that put you in that pit, it’s people like Tosh, who can’t seem to distinguish the line between inappropriate/dark humour and personally victimizing someone and causing them distress.

I’m also all for dark humour. Many social issues are made light of; many ethnic, ableist and ageist stereotypes are laced with humour, and I really believe that making light of these stereotypes is a method of devaluing them in meaning, making them less valid and true, which is beneficial. And I’m not appalled when my friends say “Dude that test raped me”, but making light of issues like rape the way Tosh did takes it a step ahead by normalizing a serious, atrocious crime through the excuse of humour, far more than mocking mere stereotypes. Lastly, Tosh didn’t just attempt to normalize rape by making it ‘funny’, he essentially contributed to perpetuating a pseudo gang-rape by making it ‘funny’.

Tell me cracking jokes about the hilarity of the Twin Towers crumbling in front of a kid who lost his father to 9/11 is okay.

Tell me cracking jokes about gassing Jews in front of a Holocaust survivor is okay.

Apparently cracking jokes about rape in front of (possible) rape victims is okay.

This is a country where a woman spills coffee on herself and successfully sues McDonalds for it. Yet we see a famous comedian getting away with normalizing and encouraging a vindictive crime that leaves someone (and an entire half of the human race) reeling in discomfort, shame and humiliation.

Stay Bold,

Mallika

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Summer Salad on a Not-so-Productive Day

Being sick is a bummer.

The worst part for me…feeling unproductive! I can almost handle the headache, fever and dying-cat-like voice, but feeling lethargic and unproductive is not okay in my books.

Thankfully for you, my being sick has made me restless enough to create a new recipe. This one is simple ladies and gents, because let’s be serious, I have the flu and this took all the enthusiasm I could muster 😉

I had the privilege of chowing down this entire dish on my own since no one wants my icky flu germs but it’s yummy enough that if you make it, you may not be so lucky…

Crab Salad!

You will need:
• Salad greens (the colourful kind…no iceberg lettuce here folks)
• Avocado
• Crab meat
• Cucumber
• Tomatoes
• Black pepper
• Balsamic vinaigrette dressing

Cut up all your veggies and mix with your salad greens, add your crab meat on top and add your dressing and pepper to taste.

This is my new favourite summer salad, but I have a feeling that will be short-lived because I seem to be on a salad kick (hint hint, there may be another recipe coming your way soon…)

Enjoy the gorgeous summer weather and please, please remember your Purell , so you don’t end up with the dying-cat-like voice too 🙂

-Sam xo

Be You.

Facing Imperfect Conditions (plus a new recipe..yummm)

Well my apologies to everyone, but the worst possible thing that could happen to a blogger happened to me – yes, my internet has been down for over a month. Craziness, I know. So, here I am going to exceptional lengths to get a post to you (just kidding, I’m at my boyfriend’s house…I don’t think that qualifies as exceptional).

Anyways, that is enough complaining out of me; onto the topic of the week – TRIATHLONS and learning to accept less than perfect (plus a quinoa power salad to get you through your workout)!

This weekend, I did the Peterborough Sprint Tri – completely, yes completely, unprepared.  I hadn’t planned on doing any triathlons this summer and I had decided to focus on weights and whatever cardio my little heart desired each day. But, that all went out the window.

Why?

Because someone got me talking about triathlons. As soon as I started talking about triathlons, I knew that I couldn’t resist; there was absolutely no way that I could stand on the sidelines of the race, so I entered.

As soon as I entered the tri my mind went into overdrive and the doubt crept in; what was I thinking, I’m not ready, I’ll come in last, what if I can’t finish? All of these questions came rushing through my mind, and I was ready to pull out of the race until I asked myself – what if I do come in last or cannot finish? Would that be the end of the world? No, probably not. In fact, isn’t it better to come in last then to watch from the sidelines?

Again, on race day, I was faced with a challenge; I woke up with a wicked cold. This time I didn’t let the doubt creep in, I stopped it at the source and decided that anything could happen, but I would not be missing the tri.

I decided to accept the less than perfect conditions and embrace the opportunity for what it was – a great chance to have fun and accomplish one of my goals. I am so glad that I got over my fears because I had a really great time and it completely motivated me to train for more triathlons over the summer.

On that note, if you have something you really want to do but keep waiting for those perfect conditions – don’t! I challenge you to accept the less than perfect conditions in your life and go for it – don’t let anything stop you – you won’t regret it!

Image

Anddd… here is your recipe:

Quinoa Salad:

You will need:

  • Quinoa
  • Cucumber
  • Tomatoes
  • Sun-dried tomato and oregano dressing
  • Goat cheese

Instructions:

  • Cook your quinoa
  • Cut your cucumber into quarters
  • Cut your tomato in cubes
  • Add your goat cheese and dressing
  • Stir
  • Cool in the fridge

This recipe is really easy to make and is perfect for fuelling your workouts (or races).

Enjoy my little lovelies!

Ciao,

Sam

xo

Be Bold!

Yes, this

“What’s the worst possible thing you can call a woman? Don’t hold back, now.
You’re probably thinking of words like slut, whore, bitch, cunt (I told you not to hold back!), skank.
Okay, now, what are the worst things you can call a guy? Fag, girl, bitch, pussy. I’ve even heard the term “mangina.”
Notice anything? The worst thing you can call a girl is a girl. The worst thing you can call a guy is a girl. Being a woman is the ultimate insult. Now tell me that’s not royally fucked up.”
― Jessica ValentiFull Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman’s Guide to Why Feminism Matters