How to Save the World (when you don’t know how to/aren’t good at it)

Ask any Tom, Dick or Harry down the street if he’s a kind person, chances are, he’ll nod frantically or forlornly. A lot of us would like to save the world, help people, spark that shine in someone, inspire someone, the clichés are never-ending… but alas, we lack the philanthropic chops to do so. Or we lack the bee-stung lips, bodacious bum and booming bank balance to do so (Yeah I’m looking at you, Ange).

Some of us aren’t born naturally caring and sympathetic and empathetic – so we usually cope in 2 ways. We either stomp about proudly showing this shell (shield?) off, or we marry people who imbibe those qualities.

The stealthy churner of iffy maturity and subsequent realisation of moral relativism has embedded in me a vital ideology: If one can’t make something better, don’t make it worse. It goes without saying that there are obviously times I falter and falter hard. Like the time I got into a screaming match with my sister and attempted to rip her eyelashes out & roast them in order to protect my ever-so-important ego. Or like the time I tried to bake muffins. Point is though, 78.574% of philanthropy is committed not by making the angels come out and work their magic, but by making the Satans stay home and preventing them from breeding.

Here are some strategies (I feel like such a Dr. Phil) for the halo-in-heart-but-horns-on-head specimens of us:

Tip ‘em all: The Conservatives reading this probably want to pull my eyelashes out now but hey, Robin Hood was awesome! Take from the rich, give to the poor. Work the trickle-down effect. Also, it gets rid of loose change, makes the wallet lighter, makes one feel better (cause of the lighter wallet jeez), thus putting a spring in one’s step (also cause of the lighter wallet), and GET THIS: you don’t even have to talk! OR smile!! It’s a win-win situation really.

3 Magic Words: If you don’t mind taking the next step i.e. talking, this step will do wonders. I learnt these 3 Magic Words in school – Please, Sorry, Thank You – and they’ve still stuck for the most part. Living up to the stereotype of my fellow Canadians, thank you.

Leave the car at home: Go for a walk, use public transportation, fly! Walking clears the mind and makes one see things s/he might not have otherwise. Who knows? One might even have a change of heart horns. Also, think of all that you’ll be reducing: smog, road rage, depletion of the ozone layer, global warming, your expenses, accidents. Sometimes, I like to put my music in and walk down the street pretending to be Simba/Scar, depending upon my PMS cycle.

Stay at home: If you feel like you got off the wrong side of the bed and just cannot seem to shift to the rightish side because of that one sordid, sore, sullen bone then just stay in bed. It’ll save you grumpiness and the rest, their peace of mind.

Put a sock in it: if you can’t say something nice – and who can? – don’t say anything at all. If people of a non-messianic disposition would simply zip it and stop making snide comments about Al Gore and Sting and Bono, bona fide do-gooders could just get on with their peace-keeping mission to save the world and we’d all be living in Paradise. That’s right: No more sarcastic, snide comments from this quarter. Enough. Shush. Word.

This post was inspired by this absolutely endearing movie I saw recently – Amelie. This gem of a movie downed me in a whirlwind of quirky plots and subplots; the minute I started to fathom the ride, the next abrupt turn would come along. A lot of movies have this trait of connecting tiny dots to make a simple but poignant picture – but the additional topping with Amelie is that the picture isn’t only poignant, it has sprinkles of glitter on it, and the frame is neon orange and not brown or grey. And it sings to you when you aren’t looking.

P.S. This is my new fav smiley – ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it has such a Hakuna Matataey feel to it I love it! 
I shall be using this aplenty, you have been warned.

Stay Sparkling!


Mallika ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(told you so teehee)

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